From my last article, you are aware that I resigned from my job as an FM (I am trying not to disclose what I do and the company), well a lot has happened since then and I must say it has been life-changing. I went from trying to feel better physically, psychologically and to finding myself.
It’s not like I don’t know who I am but this helped me to realize what my strengths and weaknesses are when I am not working or in a corporate setting. And you know what I realized,I realized I procrastinate a lot, I overthink, I am a pretty good cook and I am really smart.
You didn’t think I would compliment myself, did you? Yes, you have to cheer yourself up and know that you are more than what people think of you, you are who you say you are. And you don’t just say who you are, you have to act like the person you want to become – Fake it till you make it?
I went through a lot of stages during my unemployment (still unemployed) and they were not all so perfect but I won’t trade it for the world – It led me to this article and more to come.
So, I resigned because I discovered a spike in my blood pressure ‘BP’ after I fell ill at work. My job was pretty demanding; though I loved it, I was not impressed by my management (my supervisor in particular) – she was toxic and contributed to my BP spiking.
You know, all this stuff about “women supporting women”? It’s all BS. The lady was clearly envious of me and was ready to put me down at every chance she got. Anyways, that ended and I had to move on. It wasn’t easy because I didn’t have any other job but I had to leave the job before it killed me.
Emotions/ unwarranted love life
I am very big on not dating people I work with but there was this guy that was really sweet and seemed reserved. He was my colleague and the first person I reached out to in the company that made me feel welcome.
This guy also “liked” me, so he reached out to me after I resigned. He called sometimes and we chatted as well until I listened to my best friend about giving him a chance even though I knew he didn’t seem ready or was quite young for me.
I don’t know how old he is, I am talking about maturity. Note that, he left the company and came back in less than three months (who would go back to such a company?). Everyone I know that left the company had nothing but negative things to say about the company. It’s been six months since I left the company and I don’t want to go back or recommend any of my friends to go there.
I feel like this particular story deserves its own article/ post, so I would write more on this. But to cut the long story short, I was right; he wasn’t looking for anything serious and instead of telling me that, he just ghosted.
I confronted him about it after he didn’t reach out for two weeks and he gave some BS excuse about being “really busy”. Not until recently that he told me the reason after I told him we should just be friends.
So ladies, when a guy tells you he likes you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he would follow through or he wants anything serious. Don’t hold on to it. Because a guy likes you, doesn’t mean you should date him especially when he is not showing any sign of seriousness.
Also, listen to your instinct! See, I said I had a lot to say about this but I would just stop here.
Trying to get back to the workforce when I wasn’t feeling any better
One month in and I was already tired of being in the house. There were some changes in my BP but it wasn’t where it should be. I just wanted to get back to work, especially after my disappointment with my failed dating life (it was just with one guy *eye roll*), I wanted to get busy again and not dwell on why it didn’t work out.
I was starting to feel really anxious like I am not enough. At some point I was asking myself if I made the right decision in quitting a job of barely five months without a game plan – that was not good for my blood pressure.
So, I reached out to some contacts and since we were approaching the Christmas holiday, I figured if anything would happen it would be the next year. Submitted a few resumes and hoped for the best…
I also got a freelance job from a client I met during my time at work. I assisted in purchasing a travel ticket for his kids and got paid for it.
You see,I never knew I had the power (well, I have always been influential) or sales mindset to convince someone to hire me to do something that is really personal but I was able to do it with this client and it made me really proud.
So we entered 2023 and I was ready to get back to the workforce and started to really push and follow up with my networks when my mum had a health complication.
This was scary and it made me pause on the job hunt so I could take care of her. It has been a wonderful time bonding with my mum and ensuring that she is happy. I am also glad I was at home when it happened and was able to act fast.
She is doing better and I wouldn’t trade the time I had with her for the world.
Losing a family friend
The same month, we lost a family friend. He was my big sister’s friend before he became ours. He was a really nice man and he helped a lot of people. Just like everyone else, no one is perfect but this man had a positive impact on our lives and the lives of many.
It was emotionally stressful for me because it was the same month we lost our younger brother, so it brought a lot of painful feelings. He was buried last weekend, may his soul rest in peace.
He will always be remembered and never forgotten.
Feeling isolated and broke
I had a few savings before I resigned and that lasted for three months, my sister also assisted me with money and the freelance job I was doing helped for a few months but I started feeling broke.
When you are without money, there is this anxiety that comes – especially when you don’t have any other source of income. So, I stopped being active on social media and just kept to myself. I wasn’t in contact with friends, former coworkers etc.
I enrolled for online training on making money online but I must say, when you don’t have money, it is quite difficult to focus on other things than money itself.
I started watching a lot of YouTube videos; both motivational, entertaining and celeb news videos. I was blogging on and off…just a mess!
I didn’t want to bother my sister because she had a lot on her plate but she knew and would send me money without me asking. God bless that woman for me- She is a blessing to the family.
The isolation took me almost two months, so I told myself that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and not be bothered about how people are “killing it” in the outside world and focus on my process.
Reaching out to old friends
During those two months of isolation, which was during Lenten season (proud catholic), I began to reflect and remember my past and what I could have done differently.
I thought about my career path, the friends I made along the way; the ones that stayed and the ones that left. The friends that were really good to me and how we lost touch. So I started reaching out to them and seeing how they are doing.
It was nice to hear from them and know that they got my back (this made me smile) even though life gets in the way.
Trying to get my life back together
After Easter, I got thinking and told myself I have to start putting myself out there –not in dating (if that happens fine) but in my career. I really don’t want to keep doing this 9 to 5,it took a lot from me; my youth, my passions, and my goals that I don’t want to make that mistake again.
I have entered the other part of my thirties – I don’t want to keep doing a job that takes all my time with nothing to show for it. I want to be able to keep going after my dreams of becoming a published author and a successful blogger.
I want to be able to travel the world and meet different people, their music, food and culture. I want to be able to write about that and take photos. I want to be able to share love and unity in the world. I want my life to mean something.
And I don’t want to do that sitting at a desk for hours and wishing. I found pleasure in the job I was doing because it made me put a smile on people’s faces and ensured they are comfortable in their apartments but politics and hate got in the way – I don’t want such an environment.
Would I be going back to the corporate world? Maybe – if it is flexible enough to keep pursuing my dreams. Though I need money, I am not just going to take any job that comes my way.
It has not been easy being without a job but it took me six months to realize that I am far better without waking up so early and getting back home at night, doing a job where there is no form of appreciation even though I give it my best.
Sometimes I have money, sometimes I don’t but I like the person I am becoming – the positive has always outweighed the negative.
Though I am not where I want to be in my writing career, I have told myself that I am going to write every day whether it makes sense or not. I like to believe I am a good storyteller and would love to share that with the world -this is a start.
There you have it. Unemployed and free to make mistakes, start over and be the best version of myself for my family, friends and my life. The road is not always smooth but it can only get better. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.