Why some people don’t want to be in relationships

Why some people don’t want to be in relationships

There are so many reasons why people don’t just see the point of being in relationships. I have been in relationships and it’s great sometimes, other times it’s just painful and exhausting. But then you can’t always have the good and not the bad. Everything in life is a risk, so you decide which is important and if you can cope with it.

Being in a relationship involves a lot and to be able to be in one, you have to be able to accept some things and agree to disagree on other things. So why do people prefer not to be in a relationship? There are a couple of reasons;

They are not ready to commit

Commitment is a huge deal in anything you do, especially in relationships and it takes someone that understands this to know when they can’t be able to give that. Most people know how when you are committed to someone; you are dedicated to their needs and are thinking of their present and how you can better their future.

So not being ready to serve someone else and see to their needs it’s a reason not to be in a relationship.

Not ready to compromise their wants and values

I remember when my cousin was dating her husband and how she talked about compromise in a relationship. Dating someone doesn’t always mean you would accept the same things or believe in the same things.

We all have our wants and values; meeting someone else that doesn’t feel the same way can be a deal-breaker. And if you are not ready to compromise on your wants and values, then you are certainly not ready to be in a relationship – and it’s okay, you should not do want you are not ready to do.

Past relationship trauma

Yep, this is another reason; some people had it rough in their past relationship that they are not ready to let anyone in. Some relationships mess people up, especially if it involves physical, emotional or psychological abuse.

This would lead to trust issues that can affect a new relationship. And unless they work that out, they won’t be ready to be in any relationship.

They don’t see the need

Yeah, it could just be that simple. They don’t see the need to be in a relationship; especially when they are focused on other things; like planning to travel, take that big career leap or just enjoy being on their own.

Some people are better on their own and might think adding someone else to their lifestyle might mess with their routine –no one wants that.

Insecurities and low self-esteem

Sometimes being in a relationship means you have to ask someone out (other times, it could just happen from a hookup or as friends), and people with insecurities and low self-esteem would prefer to be single than being rejected.

So yeah, most times people are single because they are scared of rejection. So if o happen to see a shy guy that likes you but doesn’t know what to say or how to go about it, you should probably make a move.


Ah, sex…It is a part of a relationship and no matter how some of us try to avoid it, you can’t avoid it in relationships. And I can tell you it’s one of the reasons why people don’t want to be in relationships – the pressure to have it when you are not ready, the feeling after you have it and are wondering if you did it with the right person.

I’ll be honest with you, with the way our world is; sex is compulsory in a relationship and being that I’m old school and not just comfortable with having sex for the sake of being in a relationship. So yeah, it’s part of the reason why I have not been able to be in a stable relationship (or maybe not) – cause they seem to bring it up way too early.

Like even if I would have sex with you eventually, I would have to get to the point where I trust you enough to let go and share that part of me.

Why some people don’t want to be in relationships

Timing is off

Timing is everything. You could be ready to be in a relationship and the other person isn’t and vice versa. I want to be in a relationship but deep down I feel like I am not ready; I’m someone that likes to be independent and I love with all my heart, not because of what you are offering but because I just love you and choose to be with you.

Right now, I’m not in a good place career-wise and sometimes it messes with my mental health – I don’t want to burden someone else with that. I know you are like “but being in a relationship means sharing your burden” but that’s not me.

 I’m not saying I want to be perfect in a relationship but I want to be able to be in a good place that if I eventually get into a relationship, it should be about the challenges in the relationship and not the baggage I bring to it.

They want freedom 

Some people just love their freedom; not having to explain where they are going, who they are meeting or what they are doing. And being in a relationship requires you to do that. So as long as you are not ready to share your whereabouts or life with someone else, you are better off single.

They need to focus on their career

Just as I said with timing, sometimes our careers take up so much of our time that it’s tough being in a relationship. Whether your job demands you to travel a lot, you are trying to get a promotion which could mean focusing more or you want to be an entrepreneur and we know how time-consuming that can be.

Take me for example, though I have a day job, it is not meeting my needs and I have decided to take my blogging more seriously and see if I can turn it into a full-time income. This requires me to work when I get back from my day job and weekends, so when do you think I would have the time to go on dates?

That’s a good reason not to want to be in a relationship. And if I decide to start a relationship with all I have planned, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I would just have to give up one thing for another and if the relationship doesn’t work out along the line, I would end up resenting that person. So, it’s better not to start what might not be worth it later.

They need to better themselves

Just like focusing on your career, sometimes bettering yourself could mean your personality –things you do that are not healthy or good for you or someone else. So working on yourself, so you can be able to add value to a relationship is not a bad reason for not wanting to date. You can’t be working on yourself and keeping a relationship; it’s just like an addict (whether alcohol/sex) that is in recovery and having a bar full of alcohol around them.

They haven’t met the one

They say when you know, you know right? Sometimes you might not want to be in a relationship because you have not met the one. Some people are very specific about what they want –you know, the all or nothing type of people.  

So as long as they have not met the one for them, they won’t settle for less or anyone available.

They are not emotionally invested

Some people, probably from past relationships, backgrounds…don’t express emotions or know how to be compassionate. So imagine meeting someone emotional (the Cancer folks) and not being about to open up or talk about their feelings, that relationship is already doomed.

So if you are wondering why you don’t want to be in a relationship, it’s probably because of the things listed above. Is it bad that you don’t want to be in a relationship? It’s not. 

Everyone has their reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you are happy with your decision.

If you don’t want to be in a relationship but you love the person, be honest with them. You can love someone and not be ready to be in a committed relationship with them. You should be honest with them, so they don’t feel like you led them on.

They say if you love someone you let them go. You don’t want to be in a relationship but you don’t want to lose the person you like? Well, you should tell them why you don’t want to be in a relationship, who knows they might understand and want the same thing or you could even change your mind after you have dealt with your issues with relationships and decide to commit.

And if not, you should let them go. It would be fair to them especially if they want to get married and start a family –you should let them have that. You can’t have your cake and eat it.

So these are the reasons why people prefer not to be in relationships. If I left anything out, you can share it in the comment section.


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