We have all had first love and true love. Well,this was my true love, at least I thought he was. But nothing last forever; it was fun in the beginning but it was terrible in the end. This guy (I’ll call him Kyle) was my best friend in the university, he loved movies, we had great chemistry, I gave him great taste in music.
I was dating my first love in the university ,Kyle became my best friend and I had no idea he was in love with me until after graduation. Each time he tried to tell me ,I was either in a relationship or engaged or fresh out of a breakup. There was never the right time.
Until I was in neither of those situation and happen to be in his state.He finally told me at his parents house in his brothers bedroom in the middle the night. You know there is something about kissing in the dark in a full moon that just makes you feel like you are making love.
It wasn’t my first kiss but it was the best kiss cause it was my best friend and I loved him. You know how you go from touching fingers to arms, to locating each others lips…it was amazing. All I could think of was what is happening, why have we not been doing this since we met.
His hands (or was it his lips ,I could not tell but I loved it so much I got confused ) went down my tummy to my private area ,I said “what are you doing ” as I gasp for air. Then he said “we can’t do this ” ,I said “why”, he said cause it’s his parents house and they have rules…
Short of breath I said “we are not doing anything “. We continued smooching until I was satisfied (ladies, have you ever been satisfied without actual penetration? I know I’m not the only one). The next day I went to work, he saw me off to where I got a vehicle.
And just like that we started dating; he chats me up to see me, we meet each other half way to have coke and snacks, sometimes cake,we take long walks . I see him at his place of work, we play, we kiss, we do piggy back rides,I visit him on weekends, stay with his family and friends even attending a baby party with his sister, It was like a fairy tale. I didn’t even know I was in love but I really liked him so much.
Until reality set in; I had issues at my place of work. My MD was sexually harassing me and withholding salaries just to make me cave but I didn’t. So I had to go back to my city, besides where I was staying was not comfortable, so I had to go back.
I told him I had to go back, he offered that I stay with his family; it was a sweet gesture but I imagine dating a guy and living with his family – it’s like milking the cow for free and there would be just too much familiarity which I didn’t think was wise. It was just two months but it felt like we were in love for a long time.
In all that we didn’t have sex, until one day – I went to see him at his office and they had this room were some of them sleep in probably after work. We were together and he complimented my Victoria Beckham jeans, we kissed and he took me to that room.
It wasn’t my first intercourse but I wasn’t ready to have sex with him that day. And if I was, that wasn’t the best place to do it for the first time with him. We tried though but he couldn’t penetrate – I was too anxious and I wasn’t ready. Yeah, I have this thing were my vagina just shots down if I’m really anxious or i’m not really comfortable.
Each time he tried to penetrate,i feel pain so he stopped. It wasn’t the first time we tried though but he was really upset that day. He gave me the silent treatment as we walked to where I was staying at the time.
I texted him the next day but unlike our usual sweet and cute text, he sounded plain, cold and distant. I kept trying to reach out to tell him I want to see him but he kept giving excuses about being busy .
So I prepared to leave for the city; a day before I traveled, I informed him and asked if he could see me off to the airport but he didn’t reply. So I got to my city, called him to tell him I had arrived and thanked him for nothing. He called me childish, we exchanged words ,I blocked him and moved on.
You know, I really liked Kyle but with what he did I just felt he is just like every other guy and just wanted to get with his crush and since it didn’t happen he acted like, well… Every other guy. So it was easy for me to move on. Besides he was not serious with his future; he was reluctant to graduate, he was doing a job that could barely take care of himself, talk more of me and a baby – if I eventually got pregnant from our unprotected sex (he was not even responsible enough to get a condom when he wanted to have sex with me).
So I was happy with my decision of not giving myself to him.He eventually realized his mistake and sent me a Christmas message, I ignored, then Easter and I think my birthday,i ignored still. Until after three years (within that time he worked on himself; finally graduated, served and got a job), he was in my city for a training and he called me up with a different number.
I picked, I was actually in a good mood that evening, if not I would have hung up. And then he asked after my people and told me he was in my city and I told him I might see him. I was at work one day and remembered our good times and how we were actually best friends before dating ruined everything.
Then I told myself it wouldn’t be terrible if I saw him ,so on a Saturday after work I went to see him. He had two friends over; one I didn’t know and the other from our university. I ended up spending the night at the hotel with him; he told me he had a girlfriend that stays overseas but he was torn between us. Seeing him made me realize I still loved him but he was in a relationship so it was hard for me to open up.
As I got up to leave (I didn’t really want to leave but I tried), I asked for a hug and I kissed him, he reciprocated a little and then asked me to stay. I stayed back, we ate dinner and kissed but it was different; it wasn’t like the first time.
Then he pulled down my jeans ( I wear jeans a lot, I know) and ran his fingers down for a while, impatient to make me wet he got on top with his knees on the bed and tried to thrust. Again he could not. I don’t know, there was something off about him that my body wasn’t accepting.
Then he went to take a shower and went to bed. I wanted something but my body didn’t accept what he was giving, I tried to make him want me again but he just wanted to sleep, so I let him. The next morning, he was on his phone with his sisters, I wanted to give him a kiss but he moved his lips away. I had my bath and he saw me off to the bus stop.
As I left, I felt like I made a mistake ; cause I told him to stay with his girlfriend that I wouldn’t want to come between them. He told me he was torn, I wouldn’t want someone to come between me and my boyfriend and I wasn’t about to do that to the lady he was dating either. I shed a tear in the bus as I went home.
I just consoled myself that we would still be friends at least. Since he was in my town and didn’t really know much about the town, he would call or text me for an address and I would reply. It was Easter period and I wanted to see him at the hotel and get him some turkey and rice but told me he didn’t pick up.
He was acting different, asking me addresses to meet girls (he was on a dating app at the time), I would call him and he wouldn’t pick and when I complain he would say things like “we are not dating why do I need to lie to you ” . He was becoming someone I didn’t like and I decided to let him go.
Blocked him on WhatsApp and he called me to confirm that I did it and he said ” history repeats itself” and he said he would never call me again,as he tried to hang up I begged him not to that I want to explain but he refused and hung up.
I sent him a very long message and told him how sorry I was that I didn’t know how to be his friend anymore because I was still in love with him (this was when I realised I really loved him). That I needed some space to be able to get over him so I could continue being his friend . He didn’t reply me and never called me like he said he would. I tried calling back he didn’t pick. I called him for three years and he ignored all my calls.
The third year, I used a friends number to call him, he picked and I told him I was sorry, he just talked casually. I chatted him up, he replied after weeks or months and it went on for another year until I asked if he hates me. He said he could never hate me, that it would be like hating himself .
That really touched me and I thought that he could still love me too. I always wished him happy birthday but he never for once wished me happy birthday. I would send messages but he replied whenever he wanted.Then I told myself I had to let go, it’s been almost five years and I keep chasing him when he had clearly moved on.
So on the sixth year I didn’t wish him happy birthday nor send any messages. Then on Christmas day I send him a message, he didn’t reply,so I made a decision to not reach out again.
On the first of the next year he sends me ” Happy new year, wish you the best yet” but I didn’t reply. I just assumed he loved the attention I was giving him and just wants to lure me back. Then sometime in September last year, I was at the salon and I share a lot with my stylist; we were talking about men and one other woman talked about how she missed the one that got away and it made me think of Kyle.
She said her husband was okay but she didn’t marry her best friend cause he wasn’t ready and till this day they still keep in touch and she just wonders what if. She advised me to take away my pride and reach out to the one that I feel could be the one. I took her advice and reached out with an sms.
He didn’t reply and I checked him on twitter, only to find out that he had been arrested falsely. So I sent a message on his whatsapp then called him one night and he picked; we talked and somehow he sounded like the old Kyle I used to know. After then we kept chatting, talking about movies, TV series and our favourite “music”.
He told me how he still had my old song collections and I just had this nostalgia. He asked what I was up to, we talked about work, relationships, he invited me to see him. I had not left my city in eight years but I was also preparing to go for my leave.
In one of our many chats, he asked if I was in a relationship, I said no and he said he had two girlfriends; you would think that would make me not to see him but it didn’t. At first when he said that, I stopped considering seeing him and was just glad we rekindled our friendship.
We were beginning to chat more than we usual and he brought the “visiting him” up again , we were on video call and somehow he managed to convince me to see him… So I went. The airport in that state was under construction, so I had to go by road. I spent sixteen hours on the road and got there by 12 midnight. His Gate-man could not find the key to the gate so I had to jump the fence (yeah story of my life).
He was staying in the fifth storey of the building and it was like a lodge (kinda reminded me of university days). They barely had electricity there so he had to go get me water from his friends place,i had my bath and power came on. He played some music on his laptop, my favorite actually. He prepared egg stew and rice but I wasn’t hungry, I was just happy to see him.