Does God know me???

Sometimes when we are faced with challenges and I’m not
talking for a while but most of our lives on this earth, you just have to ask
this question. I know you are wondering what kind of question is this “Does God
Know Me”, since He created us but the truth is, I asked this question one time,
just one time! And that’s why I’ve decided to write about it.

There are people that went through a lot in the bible and
prevailed, some were 300,500 and more years … but people barely make it pass
100 these days and it makes you wonder, when will I succeed? When will things
finally start going the way they should go? When will I start achieving what my
mates are achieving to say the least…?

Sometimes you just want to say I’m done being good, I’m done
feeling sorry for myself. Does it mean he doesn’t listen to me, I’m I not
praying well enough, are the sins of my forefathers that much. And then the
last and most painful one; maybe I was created to suffer till I leave this
world. Maybe that’s my purpose, to carry every other person’s burden, sometimes
help solve them or help push them to their destiny.

 In this world we live
in, where people judge you by what you’ve achieved (good or bad). If you are
not doing well, lets say not married at 30,not gotten a job for five to ten
years, or had a child ten years in your marriage, have a car or bought a house
at a certain age….They’ll say either you are cursed, you are living a secret
life or worse. You don’t know how to pray, you are not doing enough for the
church or know God. But then you see this same people that claim to
“know” God ,pray for five hours everyday, have one or more positions
in the church, quote every verse in the bible but have terrible relationships
with people, they are not compassionate or have clean hearts towards the people
around them. They lead bad examples but show what the world wants to see as
someone that is righteous. Not judging anyone but I’ve met some people like
that; most of the wayward married men I meet are from churches.

When you think about how you are not doing what you are
supposed to or meant to do, you keep getting disappointments here and there.

The truth is, serving God is by choice and I choose to serve
him. And I know His time is the best but I ask how long I have to keep suffering.
Considering how people die these days, one can only imagine if it were them and
how they’ve achieved nothing. So I ask, is it that God does not listen? Since
he created us, he should know what we want and need (what’s the point of
praying?) Then again in Matt 7 Vs 7 he said;” ask and it shall be given you;
seek and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you”. Therefore we
just have to ask, it just can be handed to us. Just as he created us, he gave
us gifts and different talents that we need to discover ourselves and decide to
make use of. You know he’s that awesome; He allows us to be free, to choose! He
doesn’t impose anything on us and provides what we truly need when He feels
it’s the right time.

These questions go through my head when I pray and my
intentions are not met; I’m I saying the
wrong things? Sometimes you feel like you are not praying enough or you are
doing what is going against your prayers.

Are my problems less
important?

Are my needs not important that he chose to ignore them? Cos
you realize you keep praying and praying for the same things that they don’t
seem like a need anymore but just part of your daily prayer points.

Don’t I deserve His
Grace?

His Grace is sufficient for us; He is doing so much that we
cannot see. But we decide to conclude on our needs not being met. It’s just not
your time yet.

When will He finally
answer me?

At a point I got really frustrated that I made this prayer
(after shedding tears I never knew I had);

Lord, why did you bring me to this world? I’m I here to
suffer till the day I die? You are probably not listening to me or I’m just
wasting my time but you know what? I’m done complaining and asking for things I
don’t get. And I have come to terms with my predicament and decided to let go.
It’s obvious I can’t control what goes on in my life. You have been in control
since the day I was born. So why worry? I’m done worrying and I’ll let you do
what you will. I need to stop praying as well since its not working. Thank you
for not listening. And I wiped my tears and went to bed.

The next morning, I prayed as usual…lol

The thing is prayer is a part of me now and I still believe
in God, despite what I’ve been through. I just can’t imagine living my life
without having someone to believe in. He created me, if not anything and I
imagine going to bed and waking up healthy, going to work and back home without
any problems. I have clothes to wear…. Why I’m I complaining? It’s tough
though seeing people that you know their way of life and when you compare them
to yourself and compare what they’ve achieved you wonder if you serve the same
God. That’s why this question come to mind; you just wonder if God knows you
exist, if he created you or whether he has plans for you.

The truth is; I asked that question cos I was in a dark
place. I know God knows me, he knows my name, my thoughts, my strength, and my
weakness…my everything! And he will answer me when the time is right. I just
have to be more patient and not give up; He is my only hope actually, I have no
one else. Which lead to this prayer (after a very sad night);

I’m sorry for the things I said the day before, I didn’t
mean them. I was upset and frustrated. You are my God, you are my protector,
you are my friend, I have no one but you, and I’m stuck with you. I may not be
as prayerful as I should be or trusting but I’m never letting go. Because I
need you and will always need you.

Therefore, it’s okay to be frustrated sometimes as long as
you don’t forget He’s everything you’ll ever need. And yes! God knows me, he
knows you and has a plan for you. Keep the faith!