Why I get scared to go on dates sometimes

scared of first dates

During the lock down, I did what I have never done before – download a dating app and created a profile (which is not as interesting as I didn’t plan to meet this people in person, it was just for fun).

Besides, I never really believed in dating apps… You know like meeting “The ONE” there. But some people have actually met their spouses there, so it’s not that bad I guess.

On the app, i met a couple of guys and one of them suggested we meet. After we chatted for two months, the second month was like everyday… He traveled to another state for work and things were pretty hard for him during that period.

The trip was for forty days but due to #EndSars protest and some other things, he didn’t stay for 40 days as planned but it was up to a month.

During that time, our communication was not good, you know, compared to the month before. I was also going through some things with work so we were not in sync as we used to.

At some point, I was getting upset that he wasn’t calling as he used to and he said he doesn’t know how to manage stress. That he kinds of shut off from everyone, even to family but they do most of the calling since they know him.

So he got back from the trip and I missed his call. So I reached out the next morning and he apologized for being distant. And I told him I get it that I was going through stuff myself but he really needs to learn how to manage stress.

The same evening, I called and we talked for a while and he asked who has been occupying my time while he was away. To be honest, some other guy I met, right at the same time I met this guy on the app, just sort of took off from where this guy left off.

Like he became more serious in his communication and we had a good time chatting. So yeah I had company. He also helped me with what I was going through at the office.

Okay, so as we talked and tried to catch up, he suggested we see that he would be going back to that state to complete the program for few days.

The day he suggested we meet was kind of soon for me and I was not ready to meet just yet. Thinking about it now it made me feel like I’m scared of dating or going on dates but to be honest it’s more than that.

I think it’s more of going on dates in this case, especially first dates which is pretty normal. First dates can be nerve racking and uncomfortable; in my case I wasn’t ready to meet not just him but anyone.

To be fair I have had a rough couple of weeks including the week before we were to see. I just don’t feel like myself and have nothing to wear – well, nothing that fits me well.

With the stress I’ve been facing, I gained some weight. He even pointed it out when we did a video call for the first time since we lost communication. In a way, that just made me feel insecure about my looks.

I was really tired on Saturday and Sunday that I was just hoping he cancels. Though, the date was not certain, he suggested and said it depends on if it doesn’t affect the time he has to work.

So nothing was carved in stone but the idea of going on a date with him just made me anxious, that I was just looking for a tummy trimmer belt the day before the date, lol.

And he didn’t even bother to call or at least cancel properly. We have not even been communicating since he suggested we go out – I guess I’m over thinking it.

So why I’m I afraid to go on dates

– I feel I don’t look my best
Yeah, I gained a couple of pounds and I have not been loving my shape in clothes, especially around the love handles. So going on a date with this guy so soon, it’s why I’m afraid to.

I remember him saying he hates bulging tummy. Also, given he can be arrogant; I don’t want him to say what I wouldn’t like especially since I’m not feeling myself anyway.

– I don’t know what to expect
Yeah, like would we hit it off or not? If we don’t hit it off, would I have to keep looking for more dates on the app and if we do, how is it going to be?

He doesn’t have an apartment, how are we going to be meeting? I don’t want to go to hotels or spend time with him at his friends place…you know that kind of thing!

– I have a lot on my mind

Been having some psychological issues at work, also some financial stuff and it’s been stressing me out. I didn’t want to add the thought of if the date will go well or if this guy is “The One” to stress me out even more.

I’m just tired of going on dates with no potentials

Yeah, just like it says, I’m tired of meeting guys that don’t really want to get to know me and just want to have fun.
Like I said I’m almost in my mid-thirties, I’m thinking about settling down and having children. I’m not looking to have just fun.

– The timing wasn’t just right

The day he suggested we meet, wasn’t just a great time. Just like all those reasons, I’m not just in the mood to be social.

Maybe, it has to do with the fact that I suffer from depression, and I have my moments… It just didn’t feel right.

With all these, one might think I’m not ready for a relationship, sometimes I feel I’m not too but that’s not it.

I’m almost in my mid thirties, trust me I’m ready for a relationship. I’m just tired of going out with different guys only to come back right where I started.

I know it’s in the process… You can’t just meet someone and be in a committed relationship immediately (wish it was possible).

I also have some underlying issues about marriage; given that I’m from a broken home; my dad wasn’t a womanizer but he still left my mum. So I just feel like even after marriage what makes you think he won’t still leave.

But then I realized that marriage is more that how attractive you are with that person; it’s about being with that person despite their flaws. Being able to tolerate their short comings…my folks didn’t have that.

Therefore, I am not going to give up on finding my life partner, no one said it’s going to be easy but I just have to keep trying . It’s not about being attracted to the person, I have to get to know him and see if I can live with him and vice versa.

So I guess this is why it seems I’m afraid for dating /is it going on dates… But then you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet Prince Charming…So I have to keep trying and get my butt out of the house, lol. I know I’m not alone in this, what do you guys think? Do you ever feel scared to go on dates?


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