Why do you date below your standards? Sometimes you just can’t answer that and most times there are a lot of reasons for this. So what is standard? To put it short, according to Google: Standard is a level of quality or attainment.
We all know relationships are hard and being single can be sometimes harder. And sometimes this leads to a lot of heart wrenching decisions and mistakes. So why do we keep lowering our standards? There are reasons for that – as human beings we just want to be happy and feel like we are living a fulfilled life which will involve making mistakes, failing, succeeding and failing again. Well that’s just being alive.
You shouldn’t be hard on yourself for dating someone below your standards and regretting it later, it happens (I’ve been there and done that) but I’ll tell you the reasons why this happens so you can avoid them especially when you are not feeling like yourself. So here are reasons why you date below you standards;
You just got out of a terrible relationship/breakup
Oh mehn, one is the worst. Like imagine having your heart broken by the same person twice – I didn’t know that could happen to someone. Yeah, the last time was when I thought we were meant to be together and reached out, thinking it would work the second time. Well, that was an epic fail.
So I found myself giving a guy below my standard a chance; I was his superior and he had my number. You know in an office, there is someone that you feel you can always talk to or make do a job with no issues and if you need someone, you can always call that person to get things done? Well that was this guy and sometimes he asks you personal stuff and you do the same.
Well, he became more like a friend/family and he took advantage of it -always contacting me on Whatsapp text and calls until he finally told me he liked me. But I didn’t accept until my company’s contract ended with that organization but he stayed with the organization and I moved to another location that I decided to give him a chance…Let me just tell you it didn’t end well.
You are of age
This is another reason why we lower our standards, especially in your 30s where your peers are either married with kids, in a relationship and about to get married. Don’t get me started on the pressure from family. You just start feeling like “I’m not getting younger, maybe I should change some of my expectations, nobody is perfect, and there is no perfect man” …things like that.
You hate your job
Hmm, I know this might sound weird but it’s not actually – where I come from, most ladies don’t just like the idea of being single. The few time they enjoy being single is if they have a very good job with a lot of money.
So imagine where a lady is single, hates her job and is just struggling; she meets or a guy below her standards meets her and asks her out. Yes, she knows he is below her standards but maybe he has a lot of money or ready to settle down -if she hates her job, she would tell herself “maybe dating this guy would help me financially and I wouldn’t have to continue my horrible job (trust me, some ladies here think like this)”.
Or if he is really serious about getting married, she will say “He is well to do so if accept to marry him, he would probably open a business for me and I’ll quit my job, or if he doesn’t at least i’m sure of three square meals and living a comfortable life when we get married.
You hate your life/ your life is boring
Sometimes, life can really suck that you just don’t get why you are here or the point of getting up and moving. Hating your life can be a combination of a lot of things. It could be that you are not taking care of yourself physically, just like number 3 -you hate your job, have family issues…
It could even be that you have a job that pays you well but your you don’t know how to spend it to make you happy and your life is just around your work, going to the market and maybe church. No social life or the time to have one. Then any guy (who is obviously below your standard) that just says hello, tell you “you are beautiful” and they like you, you give them a chance since you hardly meet people.
You want to try something different
You know just like number 4, when you are just tired of the same things and want to try something different, you allow a guy not worth your time into your life. This happens a lot, especially when you have typical guys you date; doctors, lawyers, engineers and they have not been the best in a relationship with you…so you say how about I try an actor, musician or business man (not saying people with this profession are below relationship standards) whether the person is up to your standard or not.
They made you feel special / seen
Yeah just like I said about a guy I gave a chance that I was his superior; he made me feel like he knew me and he saw me, you know…And I thought “I have been dating guys that were up to my standards and I have not been successful in any of the relationship, maybe I should try something different since he is the one pursuing me and he understands me, so why not?
Besides, I just got out of a horrible heartbreak (the guy didn’t turn out to be who I thought he was or maybe he changed),I was really lonely and I just needed love and thought maybe I had it with this guy.
You don’t want to be alone
Yeah this happened to me during this pandemic but before the lockdown and I kept telling myself that what if this it, you know…like the end? I’m I going to die alone? No partner, no kids???Especially when I see how people (not all of them are happy in their relationship though) were self-isolating with family and how they are getting through it together.
Though the “relationship” was done before the lock down (it only lasted a month, so it’s barely a relationship), I had the feeling of loneliness during this pandemic but I told myself, I’d rather be single than be in any unnecessary relationship (not like I didn’t have offers though *wink*) – it’s all about standards.
He was available and very persuasive
I’m using “He” because where I’m from, the man still do the asking out. It’s probably not like that in other parts of the world… So when he tells you and acts very available and is blowing your phone up when you are at work and when you get home from work, make you laugh and telling you about a future with you. How you are the woman of his dreams and if you could give him a chance, you will not regret it???
Uh, as long as he is not the man of your dreams hence below your standards…You will definitely regret it. So no matter how persuasive he is, as long as you don’t see him as your husband and the father of your future children, why waste your time?
These are the reasons why you date below your standards. Like I said in the beginning of this article, don’t be hard on yourself, it happens. Instead look out for the signs from yourself and the man so you don’t have to regret your decision.
We all need to have standards in life -knowing what you want and accepting nothing but that. Not having standards is like not having direction or purpose. It is very necessary especially when you are planning for a life partner -it is the most important decision of your life (that is if you want to get married).
Why do you think you date below your standards? Share your experience in the comment section. Until my next post where I would also discuss “why you should not date below your standard”. Keep doing better and never settle for less.