He gave me his briefs to wear ,played a movie (can’t recall the name), we lay in bed together,i placed my head on his shoulder and we caught up on old times. We talked about how he was crushing on me in school and how I was clueless ,I reminded him of his behaviour when he came to my city in 2014 and he said he didn’t remember that year (very sad but true).
Before I hopped on a bus, he agreed to give me a massage for the troubles – we started the massage; I took off the top I was wearing and lay on my tummy. He massaged my back and ran his hands down my butt, he massaged then took the briefs off. Now my butt was the only thing getting massaged ,he got turned on and took off his boxers as well ,I could feel him and I turned over. And he tried to penetrate immediately but again! It could not go in. I repeat my body is very delicate, just like a car, it needs to be warmed before it can start. In this case he didn’t do any of that.
As we tried to put it in, the second and third time. I just told him to stop that “maybe some other time”. So we just laid in bed and talked a little, then he dozed off. The next day ,he went to his friends’ room, they played chess and smoked weed. I buzzed his phone, he came around with his friend, they continued to play chess. He put some music on, drank mcdowells,played chess and smoked more weed. I think at first he was trying to hide the fact that he smoked weed that’s why he kept going to his friends room. Untill I told him it was fine so they resumed in his room;i even joined them so he won’t feel uncomfortable – though I have always wanted to know what smoking weed felt like. I slept a little after really laughing a lot and talking gibberish, then I ordered for pizza and yogurt since they was no food in the house nor water to prepare one. The pizza arrived after an hour, as we ate, I wasn’t done eating; there was two more slice left and he closed it and told me he would like to take it to his friend. I didn’t know what to say, I just looked at him. And he asked if I was done, I just nodded but I was stunned that he couldn’t even see that I wasn’t done -pizza I bought with my freaking money.
I managed to have my bath with the water left, he put on generator and some of his lodge mates (female) came in to charge their phone while one in bum shorts lay down in bed close to me,he and his friend were wasted and sleeping on the floor. It was just too much for me, it was like living in a dorm room, the gen was on, everywhere hot, no privacy… I had to step out for some air. As I stepped out, I tried to call my BFF but he didn’t pick up. I was so sad, alone and disappointed that I came all the way for this,i began to shed tears. I sat outside for almost 45 minutes, he didn’t even notice I was gone. The power came on, I wiped my tears I went back to the room and laid down on the floor with him. It was almost midnight so his friend left us and went back to his room. We slept til morning .
Then woke up to no water as usual. He said he had to go to work, it was a Sunday – he told his friend to keep me company (very unnecessary company) ,my period came ,so I sent him a message to get me sanitary pad and sent him money since he said he had not been paid since he started the job. Since he lost his ATM the day I arrived, I had to send to his friends account. He said his friend didn’t receive it, I had to send another money to his account. Only for him to tell me he will be leaving town the next day. He got back with my pad and cake (which I requested for), we ate the cake , his friend was there of course! He gave him some of my cake, he tasted some and I wasn’t going to let him do with my cake what he did with my pizza, so I held on to that one. They played music, chess, smoked more weed and decided to go buy soup stuff from the market.
They got back when it was already dark, they got water from his friends room, he began to prepare the soup, I wasnt about to get dirty or sweaty when I wasn’t sure of having my bath that night (don’t forget I was also on my period). I was only there testing for salt… I thought his friend would at least give us time alone since that night was the last night for us but no, he was there smoking weed, cigarettes and drinking. I just kept saying I can’t believe I spent just two nights in that town and asked him if he’ll miss me and he jokingly said no, that I didn’t cook for him so there was nothing to miss. He finished cooking, he served his friend,asked me if I wanted to eat, I said I’ll just have beef. They packed a lot of red meat in their soup it was sickening to watch. He gave me two bites as they sat on the floor and munched on fermented cassava and soup. After eating, the friend stayed back, playing his ratchet music, I was getting pissed and pretending to be on my phone, I just didn’t understand why he didn’t get the hint. A part of me was feeling like Kyle wanted him to stay, like he didn’t want to be alone with me. And it just made me wonder why I was there.
Since Kyle promised to give me some of my old songs, I told him about it an he said okay. So I plugged my cord in his laptop and stopped his friend’s song he was playing from his phone, it was getting late and I think his friend got the hint and decided to call it a night. As I was copying the songs to my phone,Kyle started dozing off. I tried to keep him awake but he said he was feeling sleepy . I was really hurt cause that was our last night; I leave for my city and he leaves town for work. I told him I had some questions, I kissed his lips just to wake him up. He woke up and scolded me that he told me he his seeing someone. That he would like to sleep. And I told him I’ll let him sleep if he can answer my questions. He said he would answer the next day, that he can’t answer now. I let him be as I played The Script “nothing ” in his laptop ,I talked to him as he slept and began to cry – I just felt so sad that being together was just all in my head and I came all the way for nothing. I cried till I fell asleep. I didn’t have my bath that night cause there was no water.
The next day it was time to leave, he went to get two buckets of water, I prepared and as I entered the three-tyre vehicle he said I should send my questions to him that he would reply them. I asked for a hug,we hugged and i left. I got to the park, got my ticket and headed to my city. It took us ten hours to get home but it wasn’t dark. As I got home, I told him. And I thanked him for giving me my old songs, that though we didn’t spend enough time together, it was nice seeing him again. I even sent my questions.
The next day he told me he got to the place and the had to do some capturing so they could be paid. And l told him about not getting a refund from my bank for the money he said his colleague didn’t receive . He acted surprised and said he would call him, only for him to tell me his colleague had an accident on his way to where he was and lost his dad -anyways I just knew that money was gone. Then he said he was ready to answer my questions, I sent them ; I asked if he still loves me, if I’m crazy to still have feelings for him, if I should move on… He answered diplomatically and I just said he should answer yes or no. He answered cause he was about to ask for a favor even promised to break up with on of the ladies *rolls eyes* . Then he asked me to send him some money for his registration ,thinking since its so he can be paid for those five months, he’ll pay me back so I sent it . I didn’t hear from him for some days and I was just thinking about everything, how stupid I was for going to see a guy that told me he has two girlfriends just cause he invited me. How I didn’t spend much time there or with him and how he treated me like nothing.
I had few days before I resumed work so it was enough to snap out of what I went through . I sent him messages some days before, no reply, I even called but he didn’t pick. Then I resumed work, he called me with a different number and on video call, I was so surprised since he never calls. Only for him to ask me for another money that he needs to run some test that he wasn’t feeling well. I was beginning to see that this guy was just using me and I told him I didn’t have, that I just resumed and I have spent a lot already. He said he would pay me back this time. He asked for 5k but I could only spare 3k, so I sent it. He thanked me and that was it .I paid for my expenses to and fro,bought pizza that I didn’t even enjoy and ended up taking care of some of his expenses. He told me when he would get paid and when he would pay me. I knew I wasn’t getting my money back but I just asked him on that day and he said he would pay. He even said they have increased his salary. PS: he spent just two days where he was doing his capturing and went back to his place of work where I visited. He even promised to see me when he comes to my city for his cousins wedding on December 28th. Well all that was BS.
So, he didn’t break up with one of the girlfriends, didn’t pay back my money nor compensate me for my expenses and troubles,he didn’t reach out nor acknowledge my Christmas message. This was a guy that I thought was the one, that I would day dream of how we would meet again and he would ask me to marry him. We would get married at the beach, go to a Lifehouse concert on our honeymoon, have three kids live in a big house and travel the world. But it was all in my head. I was stupid in love for five years with someone that had moved on long ago – he didn’t even remember seeing me in 2014. I always imagined us like the couple in the movie “Notebook” ,”One day” , “Always be my maybe” and my favorite series ” one tree hill” – Lucas and Peyton love story. But I was wrong, maybe he loved me back in school and when we dated briefly but he moved on as I traveled back home. I was still living in the past, thinking our love was forever and like that of the movies. It took me eighteen hours on the road and a horrible stay to move on ( wasted years – bit it’s better to end a relationship than a marriage) .
I was seeing someone before I hopped on a bus to see Kyle, when I got back I just wasn’t feeling the guy anymore besides he was just another guy that wanted to have my body, so… I just had this hate for men and wanted to be single for a long time until I met another vulture (will talk about that some other time). The whole thing just made me lose faith in love, that it doesn’t exist anymore;if someone I felt highly for could do what he did to me then who else is out there . I feel like I lost the will to love or trust anyone; I have always had trust issues but this just heightened it. I’m happy for people that find love but I just don’t know of it exist anymore. Do I still want to get married someday, yes. But unless the man looks at me like I’m the only one in the world and would do anything for me, respect me and support me, I rather remain single.
I have alot of love to give, I have not lost hope in love. At first ,I thought he broke me but when I gave another person a chance and he hurt me, it made me realise that I still have hope and I will not give up on love but I won’t let anyone see that side of me until I’m sure that he is the one. Until then, I’ll keep living.