8/28/2017

Why Ambitious Women Hardly Get Married or Last in Marriages


Ever wonder why the Madonna’s, J’lo’s, Britney’s, Oprah Winfrey and co ever get married or stay in marriages? And I know you are wondering why BeyoncĂ© is not on this list…well, let’s not rule her out just yet! With her lemonade album and Jay Z’s recent confession on his 4:44 album, who knows? And I’m not a hater or witch hunting queen Bey, I’m actually a fan but I gotta tell you, beautiful, successful or almost successful (success is based mostly on achievements, you decide which one is yours…) and ambitious women find it really difficult settling down or last in marriages.

Besides, BeyoncĂ© met Jay z when she was with Destiny’s child and he was the first artist to feature on her first solo album so…. I guess we’ll say they deserve each other. And Jay Z’s net worth is $810 million, so you can say Bey knows what she is doing. I can’t even imagine her with another person to be honest if she divorces Jay z. It’ll just be from one divorce to another, take Madonna for example.
In our home country, Nigeria, we have the likes of Tiwa Savage,Toke Makinwa and co… Though Tiwa and Tee Billz started their music company together, Tiwa got the attention thanks to her singing talent  and became more popular and established, which made Tee Billz uncomfortable at some point resulting in that 2016 meltdown (though they seem to be working things out,i don't know...). Toke Makinwa holding on to a deadbeat love cause of history that she had with the dude (Maje), taking all sorts of BS until well, she couldn’t.
Photo Credit: Google
Anyhow, this article is not about pop culture and their love lives, since we all know most of their union  are for publicity (individual or both party) and since they are the ones we can see, we often times use them as examples. Therefore, we will be taking about our men (Nigerian men in particular since duh! I’m a Nigerian, lol). Most Nigerian men find ambitious women intimidating and feel like being with them can make them insecure or feel like they are not men enough, if that makes sense. In other words;
  • They are naturally egotistic (common with all men)…
  • They love to dominate (not all but a good amount of them)
  • They love the simple girls (The “Yes chic”)

Photo Credit: Google
They are naturally egotistic
Just as it’s in our DNA as women to want to nurture, well men are naturally egotistic. They love the sense of responsibility, someone needing them (though some of them are incapable) and when they feel like they don’t have that with you, they feel worthless. Which most of them do not love. Given that most ambitious women are independent and most times don’t need a man to do everything for them, it drives them ‘men’ nuts. But they don’t need to be upset by it, take a cue from the lion and lionesses, according to National geographic; Lionesses do the hunting; lionesses not male lions, do the majority of hunting for their prides. Lionesses hunt around 90 percent of the time, while the males protect their pride. Prides (groups) which are family unit that may include up to three males, a dozen or so females, and their young; All of pride lionesses are related and female cubs typically stay with the group as they age.
Side note: Men should appreciate strong, ambitious women because we do not love you because you can help in time of need and distress but because we just do!!! Most ambitious women just need a man to care for them, you know; be concerned, supportive, help get her to where she needs to be in life and vice versa. If that doesn’t sound like a good reason for a relationship, I don’t know what is…. This does not imply that she doesn’t need help sometimes or you shouldn’t make an effort, it just mean that she can take care of s@#t whether you are there or not and doesn’t want to be a burden to you (knowing you can make the boys trip and the house will be in order when you get back, if not better).  Also, you can also live your life even with her around and not hers alone.

They love to dominate
Ah yes this is another man thing, dominating! Well, unless you are my boss or have something to do with corporate protocol on superiority and what not, don’t try to dominate me. Marriage should be about two different individuals coming together, sharing different views and backgrounds with common values, vision and goals, if you are looking for who to control why did you get a wife ? Why not start a company and hire people for that? Yes, sometimes ambitious women can be control freaks but it has nothing to do with their other half. Just as most men don’t like women saying “no” to them, ambitious women know what they want and won’t have it otherwise.
Example: The way some men behave to women they ask out for the first time, thinking their first and only huddle is to get the woman’s phone number. The minute they get her phone number, they fix dates and cancel without alerting the lady before the time of the supposed date since they feel their reason is more important than actually calling to cancel, only for them to call you the next day to say rubbish ( about how busy they are, like you are not). In this case some desperate women would keep tolerating their BS but an ambitious woman who for your information is goal oriented, focused and know her worth, would not. Most Nigerian men don’t like this, they always want you at their beck and call, so they could get bored as well *rolling eyes*.  P.S – “you don’t dominate with words alone but by actions”. Which comes down to the “Yes chic”, they end up tying the knot with.
Image result for ambitious women
Photo Credit: Google
They love simple girls
I don’t mean the girl next door, not so fashion savvy girls…I’m talking about the “yes chics”. These ‘yes’ type of ladies will agree to anything their men say, do and so on. And you know what’s funny? Most Nigerian women pretend to be ‘yes chic’ just to bag a man or get married, the minute they are someone’s wife, their character shows up. And some good men have no choice but to remain in the marriage but cheat anyways. Pretending to be someone you are not, in a relationship for your selfish interest to me, is like a form of betrayal. Before you know it, things would take a very dark turn; everyone will get frustrated and at the same time try to do what is good for them for the time being.
Why ambitious and successful women find it difficult getting married or staying in one is simply because they don’t have time for pretense; they are thinking of the next big thing and how they can impact in someone’s life or the world. They have a voice and don’t want to be shut up, intimidated or oppressed in the name of being somebody’s wife. Does it make them disrespectful? Most certainly not! They know what it’s like to work so hard and believe in something and respect people (man or woman) that do. They don’t need you to tell them you are a man, be and act like a man!!!

Not saying ambitions women don’t get married or won’t eventually but it really takes time to meet your match, which involves a lot of exposure due to our (yep! I’m part of you too) zeal to keep learning …before we can meet our equal (marriage is a partnership, having same goals, values and vision alongside complimenting each other). So don’t lose hope my strong women, keep being you and living your life, you will definitely meet your match and it will last forever. Don’t settle for less, don’t be pressured by society unless you want to end up in separation or divorce and continue the cycle. Though it’s hard, let your work (or in my case, art) keep you busy; love comes when you least expect it.
I love y’all, be great!

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