How do we know who is meant for us?

I  wonder why when girls at the age of 15 - 20 meets or want to meet a guy. They want him to be tall,dark and handsome with a lot of swag and don't care about money ,fame or power .Then in their early twenties its more of  being in love, then mid twenties, they still want those things but its more of if he's good in bed or if both of you are compatible in bed. Of course we all know finding a partner is more than that, but that seem to be the first thing that pops-up in our head when we meet him for the first time.

Therefore do girls/ladies that age really know what they want? is there a particular age to know who we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with? do we take risk? It actually works for some people that get married at a young age but I'll bet its not easy because they learn at the course of time, especially if those people are just met to be together.
At some point (late twenties and beyond),some ladies don't care anymore. They just want to start a family;as long as the guy cares for them and respects them that's just all they need.

On the other hand, there are people who we refer to sometimes as "old soul", these are the people that know what they want at every stage in their life, even while they make mistakes sometimes,they still know what they want and go for it. whether its career-wise or relationship-wise; these are the people that get lucky sometimes.
The question is do we really know who is meant for us by just sighting them,meeting them or spending years with them? how do we fall in love? do we have reasons why we get married? do we marry for love or what? how do we define love at first sight? can one really love at first sight or just in love with the sight of the person? i guess we'll never know, we just have to live through it.

Dating your friend.

How do one feel dating a mummy's boy? i don't know about, but its just a turn off for me! i use to date this guy, we were friends but later decided to give dating a try since he kept telling me how he has always loved me from the first time he saw me. i visited him in port-harcourt due to a job i got there at the time. Everything was going good at first,even though he still lives in his parents house "a 26 year old", i didn't mind. but then i discovered he was too attached to his family(mum and sisters). They were everywhere, no privacy, sometimes they play some silly games were he fondles their boobs(his sisters). He even told me about bathing with his elder sister and didn't even see it as a problem. I was disgusted just hearing it but i just decided to over look it because i thought it was something of the past. Apart from that, i couldn't just understand why he didn't want to graduate and get a good job. I don't even know what i was thinking. The job i got where he lives, were going through some maintenance, after like a month i worked there. it was an airline job, when i joined them,i was told it was the fifth time they were resuming in that location. i just knew it was a job i couldn't rely on, coupled with the peanut salary, the place i was staying while i worked there and the distance.

I told him that I'll be traveling back to Lagos, since the job wasn't favorable. meanwhile he started acting like the king of the world because he knew i didn't have friends in port-Harcourt or know places that well then. so whenever i go to visit him, he barely has time for me and even if he did, his sister will come around us to interrupt. i couldn't tell if they didn't like me or they just love to be close to their brother. you can imagine him telling me,they asked him if we've had sex. i know right? 
 Anyways, i told him I'll be going home soon, that i didn't have anymore money to spent since i haven't received my first salary. He tried to convince me to stay but didn't know how since he said he can't feed me due to his disgrace of a job . Some days before i left, normally i visit his office since i was very bored in port-Harcourt when we(our company) was on maintenance. They have a common room in the office,its a logistic company. we stayed more than the time they closed and he wanted to have sex with me in the "common room", when the relationship was barely a month. Hold up! the fact that he wanted to have sex with me in their office common was beyond me. 

Even though i really wanted sex because its been years i had one, and a good one for that matter, i just couldn't do it. As usual he got offended , saw me off to where i stay and took off. Even after asking if we would see the next day,at least before i travel back to Lagos. He made excuses about wanting to see his brother's ex girlfriend to a funeral. who does that? i felt its because of the sex thing but i didn't want to conclude. The next day i was all too myself , preparing for my journey the day after. i never got a call from him, a text or even a ping. i expected him to at least call me,since he wasn't going to see me off to the airport. That's when i realized he just wanted a quickie before i travel since he didn't know when i would be coming back. 

I got home safely and decided to be matured about it and give him a call, to tell him i was home. He picked we talked but i knew things were definitely not the same. After some days he stopped pinging, i would ping him and he won't reply, even if he would reply, he sounded like a stranger or like we never dated. until i ping him, he won't remember to pick or at least call and this was going on for two weeks. so i decided to delete him from my bbm contact, only for him to call and say so its like that now,and hung up. Then i sent an sms saying; i don't keep contacts of people that i don't chat with. Then he sent me a message calling me childish. i ignored his message and he stop calling. We stopped communicating for three months, i guess he was surprised that i moved on so easily. He started sending me New year message,i replied thank you. Other months he tries calling but i dont pick because i don't know what to say to him. Everything about the relationship was ridiculous, he doesn't want to grow up and he wants a girlfriend? how can that work! i can't even see myself being friends with him again, i saw more than enough.
 He was just a joke and he made me realize that dating your friend can be a real disaster! they are all cute and gentlemanly when you are friends but once you go beyond that, you begin to see the other side of them. And its completely different from when they were your friends. Except both of you are just meant to be...

The story still goes on; one story definitely leads to the other.
  • Why i haven't had sex for years.
  • Why i decided to date my friend.
  • Why i moved o from the "short lived relationship"
  • Why i still don't know what to say to him even when he calls.
  • Guys i met while in Port-Harcourt including my Ex. etc...
Just keep reading on!

Sex to me is not something you should do if you don't want to or because every other person is doing it. It should be about that closeness, friendship,respect and most especially love. i was in love once and young. i used to think that if you love someone you should be able to give them what they want even when its not want you want or at least yet.
Wanting to have sex with someone because you don't want to lose them shouldn't be a good reason. if the individual doesn't understand that you are not ready or maybe understands and yet cheats on you then maybe both of you were not meant to be. because the fact is the guy will cheat on you if he wants to whether you decide to sleep with him or not.
As a teenager or a virgin,new to sex, you want your first time to be with someone that loves you as much as you love them. Yes some people lose it really early and don't really care who takes it while some are really sensitive about it and might feel used after experiencing it.
Anyways i haven't had it in a while because i don't see the point of it. As a human being you might feel like it but then when you remember how fast it comes and goes, you ask yourself if its really worth it. And most guys i've met are just after it and nothing else that you wonder if we as women are just sex objects and have nothing to offer.
So i made a pact that i wouldn't have sex till I'm married and so far i don't have any regrets,if a guy/man its not patient to be with me because of my sex laws then he"s not for me i the first place. And i know it might take time to find someone that really gets you and is willing to wait for you until you are ready but its better than living your life in regret every time you have it ( sex).
For some people sex might be nothing,some even see it as a form of exercise that when the urge comes they just want to do it with whomever their with or some random guy. I'm not judging but i feel it should be more than that you know. it should be with someone you feel safe with,someone that loves you for who you are and feels exactly the way you feel about them or more. Some you can tell your secrets,trusting they would keep them,someone that can't imagine making love to no other than you.
It's a long story and that while i"m writing my book hoping it will get published some day. I have alot to say that my blog is not enough to place it. but i'll get there someday! Sorry it took a lot of time to post this, i work six days a week and barely have the time,just had to squeeze this in. i hope to quit someday and focus on this. Which i will!

Thanks for reading,as always!

Happy New Year!!!

Not saying any resolution this year,just doing them.God have been so good to us all,not cos we are so rich /poor, smart/dumb,tall/short,sick/healthy, righteous/unrighteous etc but because of His Grace in the life of you and I. After all we've been through in 2012, don't see how we won't live through 2013. Therefore, i pray for peace and love in Nigeria and the world. we made it guys, it 2013! oh thank You, God! Happy New year!